A Storm Called Jon

Below is a story or part of that I wrote for an English class I am taking this semester (Fall 2012). I hope you enjoy and I want to hear all criticisms both good and bad. Here she is:

The mail box opened slowly, its hinges fighting against twenty years of nature. Jon grabbed the mail. He took it and shook it off to his side, then attempted to wring it out by pressing it against the chest pocket of his coat. Water proceeded to drip from the mail on to Jon. Jon paused and shut his eyes for a moment before looking down. He sighed heavily, “Looks like I pissed myself,” He held the mail away from himself as if it had become radioactive, “Next time they can get their own damn mail.”

                Jon walked back to the ancient cabin. He climbed the steps; they moaned and cried as if they would give out any minute. Once he entered he ran up stairs and briskly changed his wet coat for a dry one. Snatching his keys, Jon was outside once more. He climbed in his car and slammed the door. Jammed the key in and cranked it as far as it would go. The car struggled to turn over. “Come on, you cock sucker.”Jon said through clenched teeth. Jon twisted the key even further. The car failed several more times before finally coming to life. Jon slammed the gas pedal and exploded out of the cabin’s parking area, spraying wet gravel everywhere. He glanced down at his watch and accelerated even more.

                Jon’s phone rang, he reached into his coat and fumbled around, muttering curses until finally finding his cell. “Yeah?” he answered, “I’m coming don’t worry.” He clamped the phone harshly and shoved it into a nearby coat pocket.

                The wheels of the tires squealed around the corner entrance to the large shopping mall parking lot and into the first parking stall Jon set sight on. Jon threw the door open and stepped out. “Gah!” He yelled, lifting a soaking wet foot up. Jon slammed the door once more causing the car to roll forward into the large pole that held lighting for the parking lot. “You want to leave me too, you pile of shit.”

                Jon breathed out and brushed off his coat, he had had quite the week. He was here to get away from the city and his job for awhile. Larry had invited him, little to Jon’s knowledge this hole in the wall town had only two things going for it. This shopping mall, and the road leading out of town. Jon proceeded inside and met Larry and Samantha near the food court.

                Jon had met Larry and Samantha while in the Navy. He had been friend with them ever since. “How’s the cabin?” Larry inquired.
                “Grand.” Jon stated flatly only after a few seconds did he add a semi-sincere smile to act as assurance.
                “Good, well this is where the funs at.” Larry held up his hands as if to show Jon something he had never seen.
                “Yeah.” Jon nodded.
                “It’ll be nice to get away from the city and…well it’ll be nice,” Samantha stopped hoping not to offend Jon, but continued almost immediately with, “Now you go on down and check out the new sporting goods store, I have to meet Diana at the hair salon.” She turned and waved back to Jon and Larry.
                Larry Nodded in the direction of the sports store and proceeded towards it. “This small town living is different but you get used to it.”
                “I don’t Larry” Jon spoke when someone at the checkout counter caught his eye. Someone too familiar, Jon had to lean over and squint his eyes a little to be certain. Jon snapped back and his hands became steady, he looked straight forward, his eye filled with hate and rage.